Thailand – Bangkok, Thailand – The Best Guide to Dating Thai Girls & Women!…

Sep 14, 2012 12 Comments by

Thailand – Bangkok, Thailand – The Best Guide to Dating Thai Girls & Women!…

by The Guru

Thai-Farang (Thai word for foreigner) relations are a thing of constant discussion, frustration, amusement or even pain depending upon your level of personal involvement.  To many bystanders or internet viewers in the West they are even a focus of ridicule or disdain.  Whatever your view, you might find this explanation of them at the levels of perception, intellect and reasoning an unusual and enlightening take on an old chestnut but please do remember this is a very subjective personal view…

Background:  Thailand has been unusually sheltered from foreign influence and is the only South East Asian country to have not been colonised.  It was invaded and occupied but this was by neighbouring powers or intermittent explorers to its islands – never have the people had to live under foreign rule or had the experience of sitting side by side with non-Thais in a restaurant until very recently in the country’s history.

Guide to Dating Thai Women!

It was the arrival of the Americans some 50 years ago in the Vietnam War that triggered the first mass influx into this otherwise culturally isolated nation.  Links both culturally and linguistically to Burma, Laos and Cambodia had been slowly assimilated into the culture as political boundaries changed over the centuries but the arrival of exhausted and frustrated troops to Pattaya and Bangkok was Thailand’s first taste of a western influence.  It was probably not the best at any level…

Asian culture:  Thailand has for far longer been mixing its blood with Chinese and Indians in the northern parts and Malays in the south and this has been far from smooth but cultural differences were minor by comparison.  Indians and Chinese have proven very successful business people to the frustration of the Thais and the Malays very aggressive and determined to stay Muslim to the anger of the Thais.

Add to this a longstanding animosity with the Burmese, Laotians and Cambodians and we see a pattern of uncomfortable foreign relations and resultant xenophobia instilled in the people.  Nevertheless, the Thais have adopted and integrated certain aspects of other Asian cultures into their behaviour as a result so when we talk of Thai culture it is as much a blend of its history as English culture is a mix of Saxon, Gaelic, Celtic, Norse, Germanic and Gallic culture.

Thai values:  As a result of the influence of other Asian countries, strong Buddhist beliefs and of course deep rooted ancestral culture, Thais generally have almost fanatical beliefs and values:  national pride, reverence of the Monarchy, family unity, dependence, egocentricity, fatalistic inevitability, xenophobia, love of money, lightheartedness and much more.

Western values:  Without the same analysis of the past, which in any case would be impossible unless undertaken country-by-country, western values are very, very different overall.  Westerners are independent, self-motivated, open-minded, anxious, pre-meditated and adaptable.  These are very general values and do not reflect all Westerners, of course, but they do stand as relatively accurate compared to the average Thai person.  These values are also by no means judgmental – there is no way to judge if any set of values are better than the other, they are simply different.

Guide to Dating Thai Women!

How Westerners see Thai values in the real world:  We see Thais as very immature compared to us with an almost baby-like nature in their desire for fun, lack of responsibility, dependence on the family unit to take care of problems and the sense of inevitability, which prevents them from trying too hard at anything.  They get confused by complex and multi-tasked situations and resist ownership of the problem or any form of confrontation.  Equally importantly, their simple sense of existence with a pure uncluttered take on the world results in them seeing everything in a linear and two dimensional way with little distraction, sense of urgency or consideration for outside factors.

How Thais see Western values in the real world:  By comparison, we appear overly complicated and worried about everything.  We see problems where there are none, we deal with things so easily and quickly but never seem happy with the result.  We can rarely get on with our own lives as we worry about the time, exchange rates, how to fix it all and what others think of us.  We are altogether too stressed and we make problems everywhere we go.

On holiday in Thailand:  In a relaxed holiday situation, these differences present little frustration for either party.  Service comes with a smile and whilst slow and often wrong, it is not a problem because the smile and gentle attitude will get through it all.  Thais are aware of our spending power and they put aside any hostility towards foreign culture in order to benefit and they manage very well to present a kind and gracious acceptance of their role as serving our needs.  This is true for hotels, bars, restaurants and even in casual relationships.  Thailand is famed for the friendliness of its women towards western men and there are few more skilled workers worldwide than bar girls who use precision and worldliness well beyond their years and education to guide their partner into the relationship they want.  This is proof that there is a keen ability to learn when the rewards are sufficiently high – it is all a matter of motivation!

Guide to Dating Thai Women!

At work in Thailand:  The workplace here can be a challenge for us alongside Thai workers.  Compared to a Western counterpart, they need reminding constantly what to do, they lack initiative, take ages to complete a simple task and then they all want to go to lunch together.  They are scared of responsibility, cannot take even the most constructive criticism and have little loyalty to the company.  More public holidays than we are used to, a staff turnover far higher and a general inability to even turn up on time all serve to infuriate a Western boss as he sees productivity drop markedly.  To the Thai, they cannot understand what all the fuss is about as they have so much more to think about outside work and it is after all only a means to an end – earning money to have fun with family and friends.

Thai-Farang Relations:  This has all been by way of a lead up to tackle the thoughts of each party in this common situation, a Western man with a Thai woman.  There are of course example of the converse but very rare by comparison.

The Western man is inevitable attracted by the innocence, charm, naivety and overall gentle affection he receives from his partner.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but Thai women are famed for their poise, grace, slender bodies and enduring beauty, which defies their years well beyond their Western counterparts.   He will also be flattered by the fact that she wants to please him in every way and has no strong aspiration to do different things from him – being together is fine.  Language and cultural barriers are easily eroded by the exotic attraction and physical passion so differences seem small.  Most of all, he feels energised and re-born compared to his previous life in the West.

Guide to Dating Thai Women!

For the Thai woman, she is flattered by the courteous nature of her new partner compared to Thai culture where promiscuity, adultery and disrespect to women are for more prevalent.  She like the new lifestyle and wants to make her man happy so dressing up sexily and pleasing him at every opportunity are easy and pleasant tasks.  Most of all, she feels financially secure and can provide for her existing or future family with him.

It is common for the Thai woman to be younger that the Western man, often by a large age-gap compared to the West.  This can present problems but not for any cultural reason as this has long been common in Thai culture.  The problems lie in the relative maturity – Thais appear far more immature than their Western counterparts and so a 20 year age-gap can feel more like 40 years.  The psyche of the young Thai woman makes her younger than a Western counterpart and want to go out and have fun all the time and take little responsibility.  She also knows she will outlive her man so this is a step in her life only but he wants a constant companion in her until he dies so tensions can arise.

A consequence of this is the differences in the way that Westerners and Thais deal with the world.  As already mentioned, Thais are generally linear and Westerners generally more complex in most things though not everything.  Some examples are the way a Thai person will walk, ride a bike or drive a car in a straight line from a-b regardless of what might be in the way or the rules that prevail and be shocked to even know that they cannot do that.  Westerners will be aware of the surroundings and adapt the path to take into account others present.  A Thai person generally turns the microwave on to the same level and time for any item whereas a Westerner will adjust the level and time accordingly.  A Thai party or even Thai TV has the recorded sound set so high to be at distortion level like an on-off switch whereas Western culture teaches us to adjust it to sound clear at any volume.

These are simplistic examples and do not apply by any means to everyone but they are valid generalisations that serve to illustrate the point and this can cause ongoing friction especially when the Western man is forced to communicate through his Thai woman with other Thais.  The result is what is euphemistically called ‘mis-communication’ – it sometimes is but often also can be an inability to put his idea across adequately and succinctly.  The Thai language is so different from most Western ones too and that is problematic but that is another story…

Guide to Dating Thai Women!

It is also common for the Western man to take his ‘tilac’ (darling) to a ‘better life’ as he sees it in his home country.  There are stories of this working but far more end in disaster because it is too cold, unfriendly and boring for the Thai woman and she misses her family and friends back home.  She may put up with it for a time but may also fall into bad habits with other Thai ladies equally bored away from home when she feels neglected when he has to work  – gambling, alcoholism and vice often result.  Because of the psyche of the Western man, he can adapt far more easily to life in Thailand than she can to life in the West so this is a far better base for a successful mixed relationship.

Another problem is jealousy and this can be from both sides.  He loves her, knows how beautiful she is but also knows how easily physical relations can occur in Thailand and so he worries that she might be unfaithful.  She loves him too but knows the reputation all ‘farang’ (foreigners) have for being ‘butterflies’ (unfaithful) and after all there are so many pretty younger girls out there.  The psyche of the Thai woman is to protect what is hers and her family’s and he is now part of the family so she will be very determined to prevent this at all cost.  His psyche is such that he cannot bear the dent to his ego of not having a faithful girlfriend even though he might not be such himself.  The reality is that the prevalence of easy relations in Thailand makes fidelity a challenge for most and many relationships end up settling for a respectful decent public face no matter what the private reality.

Money often rears its head as an issue between partners here too.  There really is no clear answer to this matter as there are as many different levels of greed or otherwise amongst Thais as there are amongst Westerners but one difference will always be that the Thai woman wil automatically assume that what is his is now hers too.  This is not necessarily a malicious assumption although it can be if the Thai woman is solely in the relationship for short-term financial gain.  If this is not the case, it all hinges on security and she expects to be provided for together with her family as she has committed to him. He may see this as presumptuous but this is a cultural issue for a change not one of differences of psyche.

Guide to Dating Thai Women!

Finally, the biggest single challenge for any Thai-Western relationship will be communication.  Failure to communicate is the single biggest reason for failure in any relationship, not just loving ones and not just in Thailand, so it is no surprise that this is a tough issue to overcome.  Given a certain maturity, intelligence and commitment from the Thai woman, problems can be worked through.   Given the same commitment, patience and acceptance of the cultural differences by the Western man not to mention some degree of fidelity and most problems are only a conversation away from resolution.   Sharing money, having a joint family home and making a baby all serve to cement the relationship, hopefully for the better, and create a shared life with common values, friendships, trust and fun together.

The key issue here is that Western culture encourages us to voice our worries, concerns and problems; Thai culture and an old-fashioned education system represses this and encourages internalisation of important worries and thoughts.  The Western man has to work hard to bring the discussion to the fore as she will bottle things up if given the opportunity.

All the above observations are generalisations and, as with all generalisations, they serve to illustrate the point at hand but they do not apply to everyone and indeed, it would be rare for any one person to exhibit all these character traits.  Nevertheless, the objective here is to elaborate on the differences between Thai and Western partners in a loving relationship and explain them by differences in their psyches and resultant thought processes.  Life together all depends upon the motivations, backgrounds, wealth, age and even where you meet in Thailand but some things are a relative constant.  They are perceived very, very differently in everyone’s mind!  Happy relations…

Do you have a Thai relationship story to tell?  PLEASE share it…

- The Guru

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About the author

I have traveled and lived all over the world - 95 countries and counting! I have information you can't find elsewhere and I share it here to promote healthy discussion about the world's people and cultures.

12 Responses to “Thailand – Bangkok, Thailand – The Best Guide to Dating Thai Girls & Women!…”

  1. Ron B says:

    Guru

    I had a Thai girlfriend and she turned out to be a man! Only kidding….

    Americans seem obsessed with the Katoeys though don’t they!

    For me, I always found the 3 month rule worked. New one every 3 months then they don’t get too settled…

    Good article though, Guru.

    Cheers top you, Ron.

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    • The Guru says:

      Hi Ron

      It’s nice to know you are still going strong changing every 3 months. I would not have the stamina!

      The Guru

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  2. Fiona James says:

    Isn’t this all a bit sexist? I mean, I travel to Thailand every year as a girl and I never have this problem looking for a nice GIRL. Yes, I am a lesbian and it all works out just fine! haha

    Fiona.

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  3. Fred Morgan says:

    My advice to anyone here is don’t trust Thai girls. I have seen it happen so many times – older guy meets young temptress, fall in “love”, then slowly she takes it all from him. They are normally not educated but they are really, really SMART! Beware…

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    • The Guru says:

      Hello Fred

      I agree with you. It’s a shame to dash so many dreams but Thai girls are notoriously mercenary. Maybe only Filipino girls are worse but it’s a close run thing… There are the exceptions of course but the way Thai society works, survival (money) comes before love…

      Thanks for following the site…

      The Guru

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  4. Denise Richards says:

    What is with all this sexist rubbish? Guys, guys… Find a date in your own country! As they say, “nothing says old, boring and no personality like a Thai girl on your arm!” Haha

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  5. Bobbie Blue says:

    Denise

    What dress size are you? Exactly…. Too big!

    Bob

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  6. Denise says:

    Bob

    Size 4. Too big for you? How big are you anyway? Maybe therein lies the problem.

    Seriously though, if its a serious relationship you crave that will past, how much commonality is there between a 50 year old US guy and a 25 year old Thai girl?

    Denise

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